Standing up Singing as Ship goes Down (likeelvis) wrote in theharps,
Standing up Singing as Ship goes Down

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ghost writer

James if you read this I love you. I mean it. I'm going to put more effort into trying to interact with you. I miss spending time with you. Lauren and jacobs wanting to boot me doesnt really hurt me hurt or surprise me so much.
I just wish you guys would tell me what your thinking when you think it. I don't know how to please you guys. All your complaints are things that were happening this summer so I dont understand why you didnt drop me sooner.It feels like it doesnt really matter how much effort I put forth for the band I will be perceived as not into it because of my busy beelike nature doesnt mesh with you socially. yall dont want to give me ligit reasons. "I'm too busy" and such is pure fabrication. I have plenty of free time to devote to practice.
I deserve some honesty but I guess I can't expect it unless ricky mediates for you guys.
the wanting to play a a last show with me in flag but not telling me it was my last show is what got under my skin. I would have played it had you been up front with me but jacob was manipulative and deceptive. Had I known it would have been my last time with the band it would more of a priority. It kind of seems like you wanted me to play out of necessity of using my amp more than out wanting one last go with me but I can't expect you to say that.
I hate writing seriously on journals but you dont seem like you'll talk to me in person or the phone about it. I know I get all loud and emotional but it just passes through me. I don't stay upset. It allways seemed like never wanted to deal with me in that state.
This is less than articulate but I just need to get my thoughts out of my head and to you.
This way lauren can comment. I'm curious.
I'm rather sleep deprived.
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